Washed

April 2021

“Inspired” by Evergreen and the Suez Canal. I liken the vessel to be like a whale being washed up on shore.

Thoughts and other musings

(1) Work-life balance - Draft

“Measuring the draft of any vessel is essential to ensuring a safe balance between the maximum load that can be stowed away on board, and the point at which the vessel is no longer stable.“

Slowly working on the things that truly matters (categorising into 4 aspects and adding a rating to each)

1) Happiness - Enjoying [7/10, doing okay, there is somewhat of freedom to enjoy activities I like (artistic/creative nature), but I’m looking forward to a good overseas holiday - Boston/Japan]

2) Achievement - Winning [7/10, doing well at work, staying hungry and curious really creates a lot of opportunities. That said, I could use with more control over my time (or at least having a sense of control)

3) Significance - Counting (to others) [6/10, a difficult task to juggle between personal/career/social aspects given the intensity of work and my need to recharge by unplugging away. Time and energy are very limited resources, so in this aspect, I am limited]

4) Legacy - Extending [N/A, maybe to some of the more junior colleagues, I hope I made an impact in your life.]

(2) Being a Producer - Against The Wave

In a world of consumerism, it is easy for us to consume (food, social media, Netflix, etc.) and it is so easy to get sucked into this endless abyss. So, I’m pulling on the other end of the tug-rope, and trying to take back the energy and time that is mindlessly siphoned away. Being extra conscious and mindful to do the things that means something to me. Through creating/producing something, I hope i am adding value to myself and others as well.

(3) Peak and Legacy - Washed Up On Shore

Came to the consciousness that I will hit my peak in probably 10 years+. Evaluating if this path is right? Setting boundaries and principles as I go along the way. As I get older, it’s becoming clearer to me what my boundaries are but I’m still not quite there in terms of enforcing them. (It’s hard to say no)

Career - Do I see myself staying in my industry for next 5 years? Who do I want to be?

Family/Friends/Relationships/Colleagues - What works, what do we give or take? I like to think that the key is here is “Accepting” and “Understanding”.

Physical and Time - Like soccer players, we will degenerate, and our abilities will not be quite where they used to be. It’s too early to say I give up or I am done, because I believe I have so much potential still and I have not hit my prime. Playing back to the theme “Washed”, I don’t want to be washed up and viewed as "redundant” or as an “invalid” this early.Yet at the same time, how do we make the most of it? Before we degenerate in terms of our skills and physical abilities, what is the motivation that keeps us going? And when do we transit and say my show is over now, this golden era has ended (like Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo who will eventually retire - not even sure if they are playing the next World Cup). When do I take a backseat and become a bench player as the future generation succeeds us?

“No man is an island”

John Donne

There are countless of moments I feel like a whale that is beached. And i am truly thankful and super grateful for the people around me. They have showed me their unconditional love and support that stood through the various seasons in my life. No words can express how indebted I am just by your presence or giving me a push back into “sea”.

New things this week / Best things this week

(1) Emoji of a Wave 🌊- Dad’s death anniversary and paying respect this week

Sharing a long quote that I loved and encouraged me.

In the beginning, the waves are a hundred feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come ten seconds apart and don’t even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you’ll find the waves are still a hundred feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breath, you can function. You never know what’s going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything … and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.

Somewhere down the line, and it’s different for everybody, you find that the waves are only eighty feet tall. Or fifty feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you’ll come out.

… The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don’t really want them to. But you learn that you’ll survive them. And other waves will come. And you’ll survive them too. If you’re lucky, you’ll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks.

It’s not easy losing a parent during your teens. It definitely has shaped me in so many ways emotionally and mentally (for instance, becoming an extreme introvert and private person, being ultra-sensitive to emotions (not just mine, but able to detect the slightest mood / energy in others too) and having to choose/force myself to shut out those emotions/noise so that I can “function”, being hardened and resilient etc.). At the same time, lots of other waves (of love) come by and washes over me.

Oh honey
Oh honey
It's just a wave
It's just a wave and I know
That when it comes
I just hold on
Until it's gone

From “Emoji of a Wave”, John Mayer

For those who are struggling in whatever situation, I can promise you this, the waves will get smaller and less frequent. Whatever situation you face, “it too shall pass”.

“In the end, it’ll all be okay. And if it isn’t okay, it isn’t the end.”

♥️💙

(2) Birth of “Fabricated Falls”

(3) A much needed break from work

Worst things this week

(1) Getting bugged when on leave

Looking forward to

(1) Good Friday - a short workweek

(2) Ordered a new board game: Santorini - New York

(3) Flower Dome (Cherry Blossom & Hello Kitty) & Arts Science Museum (Star Wars)